Yorozuya Satori-chan
by Knell13
Summary: After Okuu's powers run wild, Satori finds herself in a world she doesn't recognize. Unsure of what to do, she decides to start working for one Gintoki Sakata, a Yorozuya for hire who takes on any job requested of him. Can she possibly survive the insanity that befalls this man at every turn?
1. Yorozuya Satori-chan

**A/N:** The idea for this crossover just came out of nowhere and I decided to work on it while taking a break from RWBY Tail. Don't worry though, that fanfic will definitely continue. It's just as a joint effort, sometimes one of us isn't available and as my friend is working as a student teacher currently, it seriously cuts into his time to write. So for the time being, I'll likely focus on this. I look forward to your thoughts on it!

* * *

_I guess this is it, huh?_ Satori thought to herself as the flame engulfed her. She had never expected Okuu's power to go out of control like it did, but at this point, hindsight wouldn't help her. She simply closed her eyes and prayed for a quick death. Because perhaps then, she would finally have the peace she so desired. The quiet that was always too far away for her to grasp.

But as soon as that searing heat fully consumed her, it faded and was instantly replaced with soothing warmth. Her eyes shot open, fully expecting to be in the Netherworld or even in front of the Yama for her final judgment, but neither were true. She instead found herself staring up at what appeared to be a tan-colored ceiling, the scent of fresh oranges reaching her nose. "What?" She asked aloud, completely perplexed by the turn of events. She didn't recall any of the respective afterlifes looking like this. Sure, it could have been the Yama's office, but something seemed off.

"Shinpachi, did you contact aliens from another world again?"

She flinched at the sound of a male's deep voice. The only male she knew in Gensokyo was Rinnosuke-san and that certainly was not him. Just what was going on?

"Gin-san, why would I go through so much trouble to summon something I can meet on the street?"

Another male's voice and this time it was a bit closer. Gathering her courage, she fully sat up and found herself staring at two men.

One was considerably tall with silver-blue hair and red eyes that looked kind of like a dead fish. He wore a blue and white kimono with a red undershirt, black pants and black boots. On the left side of his waist was a wooden sword.

The other was much shorter, with black hair in a bowl cut, a blue and white hakama, sandals and a wooden sword of his own. But the most impressive part about him were his glasses, as if they held all of his power.

"Who are you?" She managed to croak out before her injuries caught up to her, causing her to lose consciousness and fall backward onto the floor with a loud thud.

"You see that, Shinpachi? She took one look at you and she died."

"She's not dead! And I'm not that ugly!"

"So you still admit to being somewhat ugly."

"Forget it! Whatever the case is, this girl looks hurt. So the least we can do is help her out."

"It's not wise to trust girls who suddenly appear out of thin air."

"Says the fan of Isekais."

"Oi, you take that back! An Isekai is a man's fantasy! This is completely different!"

"How so?"

"Clearly because she's not a generic male protagonist who was sent to a fantasy world. She's instead a beautiful girl who was sent to a shitty shounen manga that took way too long to finish because the author was indecisive."

"Sorachi-sensei wouldn't be happy to hear you say that, Gin-san."

"As if Sorachi-sensei reads low-tier fanfics like this! You hear that reader?! If you're enjoying this, you're low-tier!"

"Stop it, Gin-san! The author gets low enough views as it is!"

"You're right. No one will read this anyway. But enough of that. Let's just get this girl onto the couch."

The silver haired man gently picked up the sleeping girl and placed her on the couch. After doing so, he sent Shinpachi to fetch some medical supplies from Otose and took a seat on the opposite sofa, facing her. Though a complete dick before, his expression softened as he saw the injuries that covered her entire body. Her clothing was singed and she had burn marks here and there. Even the ends of her hair were singed.

_Just what happened to you before you were brought here?_ He wondered to himself. _Was it a blessing . . . or a curse?_

* * *

It wasn't until about three hours later that Satori awoke, her matching purple eyes gazing upward at that ceiling she had seen before. So it wasn't a dream? She was really in that place with those strange man? A yawn escaped her lips and she quickly covered her mouth, a tinge of red coloring her cheeks. She wasn't one who liked being seen in such a messy state. But the fact that she had gotten three hours of sleep was somewhat of a blessing to her. With her pets back at Chireiden needing her attention at all hours, she rarely got enough sleep to function.

"Mmmm." She mumbled as she glanced around before noticing that she had bandages covering her injuries and that her clothes had been changed. At first, her groggy mind didn't register the major red flag but as she slowly regained her awareness, she turned beet red. Could those men have-

She shook her head. Even if they did, they had bandaged her injuries. She couldn't get mad at them for wanting to help her.

"So you're finally awake." The familiar deep voice from earlier called out to her. "Glad to see you didn't keel over after all."

She blinked a few times before finally managing to pinpoint the voice. The silver haired male was sitting behind a desk, reading what appeared to be what Rinnosuke-san called manga.

"So you just gonna stare at me like I'm a ghost or are you going to say something?" _Though I guess I can't blame her, she's probably been through a lot._

"Been through a lot is an understatement." Satori muttered in return, knowing full what to expect once the man knew she could read his mind.

"So you can read minds?" The other male's voice said from behind the couch. "That's pretty neat. Maybe now you can figure out why Gin-san doesn't pay us our salaries."

Satori opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out. _Did he just brush off my ability to read minds like it was nothing? No. Scratch that. Did he just call it neat? This really has to be somewhere new! This isn't anything like Gensokyo!_

"Shinpachi, I think you broke her again. Look. I don't really care if you can read minds, since your worry about us disliking it was written all over your face. If someone gets mad at you reading their thoughts, it means they have something to hide. But to those who live honestly and true to themselves, well, to them you're just another friend." _A weird friend who showed up out of fucking nowhere, but a friend nonetheless._

Suddenly the floor was very interesting to Satori. She stared at it for a decent period of time while mulling over everything the man had said as well as everything that had happened prior.

_Alright. Let's get this straight. First, Okuu went berserk and I tried to contain her power myself, but it proved to be too powerful for me. Luckily I had managed to get everyone evacuated from Chireiden in time, so the only causality would likely be me as it's highly likely that Reimu-san would have arrived in time to subdue Okuu before she endangered the rest of the Underground. But wait, what about Koshi?! Could she have been- No. If Koishi had been hurt, I'd have felt it, because even with the increased distance between the two of us due to her closing her third eye, there's still a bit of a psychic link that would let me know if she was in danger._

_So with all that said. Am I still alive? Frankly I don't know. It feels like I'm alive, but with the change of scenery and everything that followed. I can't be too sure. That said, I still have the injuries that I sustained while confronting Okuu, so if I really was dead, I doubt they'd have carried over. Thus the only answer I could deduce was that at the last moment, I was whisked away to another location. The only possible culprit for such an outcome would be . . ._

**_Yukari Yakumo._**

_But why bring me to this odd place? Why not just somewhere else in Gensokyo? Could she be planning something again? It's highly likely. In which case, questioning this whole situation would only lead to a bigger headache in the end, so I'd best just roll with the punches and make the best of my current situation._

She looked up at the silver haired man once again. "My name is Satori Komeiji. My story is . . . a long one, but if it isn't too troubling. Can I . . . stay here for awhile?"

"Sure." Gintoki replied bluntly. "My name is Gintoki Sakata and I work as a Yorozuya, someone who does odd jobs for a living. Basically if you ask a job of me, I'll do it. And the pair of glasses over there is Shinpachi Shimura, he works for me."

"Pair of glasses my ass!" Shinpachi retorted before regaining his composure. "In any case, it'd be very nice to have you work with us, Satori-chan." _It'd give us a heroine who is actually cute. Not that Kagura-chan isn't cute, it's just that she's also a mountain gorilla._

Satori had to stifle a laugh at Shinpachi's mental imagery of Kagura. She kind of reminded her of an Oni. But then she realized exactly what Shinpachi had said. "Wait, did you say work?"

Gintoki grinned. "Yeah. You didn't think I'd let you stay here without putting you to work, did you?"

Satori began to sweat bullets. She was never one for physical labor and this guy's job practice seemed to revolve around the stuff. "C-Can I get an office job instead?"

Shinpachi gently placed a hand on Satori's shoulder and smiled. "It's okay. I almost die every day. You'll get used to it."

_T-This place is just as scary as Gensokyo!_ Satori screamed internally.

And so . . . the days of Yorozuya Satori-chan had officially begun.


	2. Camaraderie

"And so, that's basically all you need to know about this world." Gintoki said to Satori as he placed the cup of sake he had been drinking from. It was about 3 am in the morning and they had exchanged eachother's stories. As Satori could read minds, he knew he couldn't hide anything from her, so he revealed his past. And in turn, Satori had revealed hers.

And for the first time since losing Koishi, Satori had felt a moment of camaraderie. This man . . . had experienced loss similar to her own. And yet, unlike her, he had continued onward, refusing to let the past chain him down.

"Kabukicho is a lot like Gensokyo." She said as she took a sip of tea, its warmth spreading throughout her entire body. "A bunch of rowdy idiots and a lazy idiot who has to solve its problems. In fact, you kind of remind me of Reimu-san . . . only kinder. So much kinder."

Gintoki chuckled. "I wouldn't say kinder, but maybe more patient." He said as he glanced out the window. "Though I'd like to have a drink with her someday, she sounds interesting."

"Maybe if Yukari ever comes to get me, I can convince her to let you visit Gensokyo."

"I'd like that. Heh. Yorozuya in Gensokyo. That'd be pretty neat."

"Hey, Gintoki-san, I have a question."

"Shoot."

"Can you . . . teach me how to use a sword?"

Now that question surprised him. "Any particular reason?"

"I don't think using Danmaku will work as well in this world. Sure, I can still fly and that'll be very useful. But wouldn't shooting pretty lasers at people grab a lot of attention?"

"Satori, you have neon pink hair and eyes. You already look like more of a main character than I do. You may as well use the powers expected of your appearance."

"So you're saying that I should just use them?"

"If it makes our job easier, throw them off a cliff for all I care. Hell, Kagura doesn't fight with a sword either. She's got an umbrella gun and can hurl cars at people."

"You make a valid point. And if push comes to shove and I need to use more lethal means, I can utilize lasers that don't rely on spell cards. I am pretty experienced at magic after all."

"And there you have it. You don't need to fit in. Just be yourself."

A small smile appeared on her lips. _Just be myself huh? This is the first place with people besides Koishi that have ever accepted me for who I am. By sending me here . . . was Yukari being kind? Heh. Probably not, but a girl can dream. _

* * *

The next morning, Gintoki found himself experiencing something he wasn't expecting. A fully cooked breakfast sitting on the table and even some coffee brewing. He found Satori quietly reading a book on the sofa.

"Did you make this?"

She looked up at him and smiled. "Yeah. It's the least I can do for you letting me stay here.

Gintoki raised an eyebrow. Barring that small one last night, this was the first time she had genuinely smiled since getting here. It was a sincere one too, which was pretty potent from a girl who had been all frowns since her arrival. _My place? Making someone smile? World must be ending._

Satori giggled at that. For as all his posturing and rude remarks, Gintoki really was a sensitive soul deep down. "So I met Kagura-chan for the first time this morning. She introduced me to Sadaharu."

"Did he try to eat you?"

"Of course not! Such a fluffy ball of fur would never harm a fly! He even let me take a nap with him!"

_She's tamed Sadaharu?! She's dangerous!_ Gintoki thought to himself. _But wait. If it has to do with mind reading, that means she could be an animal tamer and that could bring in some serious cash._

Satori titled her head. "Gintoki-san. I can hear your less than savory thoughts. Please refrain from thinking of my powers as a cash grab."

He coughed. "Right. Sorry. Consider it instinct after being poor for so long."

"That would be due to your gambling habits right? I'm not going to judge you, but I will have you be more responsible and set some money aside for more important things."

"When did you become my mom, Satori-chan?"

She crossed her arms and huffed. "Gintoki-san, you can be so much better than you actually are! I know that for a fact. So stop being so self destructive!"

"Yeah, yeah. I get it." He said as he sat down to eat.

Several moments of silence uncomfortably passed before Satori spoke up.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Trying to dictate what you can or cannot do. I've been in charge of Cheireiden for so long that I just naturally assume an authoritive position. Not to mention that after reading your mind I-"

"Don't worry about it." He said as he drank some coffee. "You're right. I do need to be better. But, it ain't that easy. But I'm sure you know that, Miss frowny face~." He said with a grin.

Satori's face flushed red. "I-I don't frown that much!"

"Heh." He locked eyes with her. "It's okay to cry, Satori-chan."

Satori's eyes widened at that sudden comment of his. Why did he bring that up all of a sudden?! "W-What are you talking about?!"

"Last night, you spilled your heart out to me about everything that happened to you, but the entire time you kept a stoic face. As if you were afraid of breaking down. Afraid of showing weakness after everything that's happened to you. But in truth, all that pent up sorrow is only making things more painful for you. I don't need to be able to read minds to see that.

Don't feel bad about crying. If you cry with an ugly face, I'll cry with an uglier face. And if you laugh, I'll laugh in a louder voice. It's much better to get dirty while living true to yourself than to throw away yourself and die a clean death."

And that's when Satori . . . started laughing. But it wasn't a mocking laughter, it was a joyous one. And it was a laugh she hadn't let out in a very, very long time. Genuine happiness showed on her face and had to hold her stomach from how hard she was laughing. "You really are . . . a nice person, Gintoki-san. But even you have to admit what you just said kind of sounds like it came from a cheesy romance novel."

"Oi! I'm trying to be profound here!" Gintoki snapped back.

"I know." She said as she warmly smiled at him. "I said it was cheesy, I didn't say it wasn't effective."

At that moment, Gintoki ran through several scenarios in his head. Each of them ended with him severely injured or worse. _Damn. Why does her smile have to be so attractive. Or maybe it's because none of the other women around here are decent people, so finally meeting one has thrown me for a loop. Either way, I gotta be careful. No one wants to read a crossover fanfic that results in two of the characters romantically getting it on. That's practically an instant turn-off._

Satori, in the meantime, was bright red. She had heard thoughts complimenting her appearance before, but most of them were obscene and dirty. Vulgar thoughts from perverted men and women who wanted to make her body theirs. But Gintoki was different. He was so wholesome despite the crude remarks he'd make outwardly. Sure, some of his thoughts were odd, like he was addressing someone she couldn't see, but she just chalked that up to another odd quirk of his. Kind of made him endearing in a way.

"So. How long are you two going to stare at eachother like hungry lions? If you're going to make babies, just do it already."

Gintoki's head quickly turned to the left and upon seeing that orange hair, his pupils constricted. _Kagura?! What kind of awful timing does she have?! And why'd she have to put it like that?! Satori-chan is going to kill me!_

Satori, however, had a reaction that almost mirrored Gintoki's. For a moment that was. "Gintoki-san!" She shouted as she placed her hands on the table. "What kind of things have you been teaching Kagura-chan?! She's still a young girl! She has no right to know about such things yet!"

"That's where you're wrong, Satori-chan." Gintoki replied bluntly. "Kagura isn't a young girl, she's a mountain gorilla- BLEAGH!" He was sent flying into a nearby wall by a kick from Kagura.

"Who you calling a mountain gorilla, you shitty old man?! I'm a young maiden!"

Even Satori was shocked by that. "G-Gintoki-san! Are you okay?!"

"I'm fine." He said as he climbed out of the rumble, though a board of wood was sticking out of his forehead with blood trickling down his face.

"You're clearly not fine!" Satori shouted. "You look like you're about to die any moment!"

"I'm always about to die any moment, Satori-chan. When you know the people I do, it's a struggle for survival every day."

Satori sweatdropped. She was beginning to realize why he acted like he did on the outside. It was less of a defense mechanism and more of a survival mechanism. She took back what she said about this place being as bad as Gensokyo.

_It was even worse._

* * *

**A/N:** If you think there's a plot, there isn't one. There might be at some point, but right now I'm channeling my inner Sorachi-sensei and just developing the characters as best as I can. I must say though, I'm quite happy with how this Satori is turning out. She's rather cute, isn't she?


	3. Samurai

**A/N:** These chapters may range from long, to short, to anywhere in between. It all depends on the story I'm trying to tell in the chapter at the time. As always, I'm looking forward to your feedback. Cheers!

* * *

To say she was nervous would be an understatement. Gintoki had requested her to deliver a letter to someone he called an idiot terrorist, which, based on the articles she had read in the newspaper, was someone who broke the rules on a regular basis. So why in the world would he trust her with such a dangerous job? What if there was a fight? What if the other didn't like how she could read minds? The possibility of this ending poorly was way too high, but he trusted her, so she had to do it!

That said. She thought to herself as she looked around. Gintoki-san said this world was futuristic, but based on the buildings and streets, it's not much different from the capital of Old Hell. It's actually kind of nostalgic in a way. Could it just be this district?

Her question was answered when a flying car buzzed by her head and flew into the distance, drawing her attention toward the large metallic structures dotting the skyline.

"Wow." She found herself saying out loud. "It's beautiful."

"Some of the samurai wouldn't be happy to hear you say that." Shinpachi said from beside her.

"Ah!" She shouted, jumping backward out of genuine surprise. "I was so overwhelmed that I didn't think to listen to the thoughts around me . . . "

Shinpachi laughed lightly. "Isn't that a good thing though? From the bits and pieces of your story that I heard from Gin-san, you were pretty much depressed from constantly being bombarded by thoughts. So maybe keeping so busy that you don't have time to focus on them is a much needed reprieve for you."

"I-I can kind of get what you mean." She said as she tried to calm her beating heart. "So what brings you here?"

"Gin-san sent me to tag along with you. He can be a jerk sometimes, but I could tell that he was worried about you. Not to mention." Shinpachi groaned. "Having to deal with that idiot terrorist by yourself is not something I'd wish upon anyone."

Satori's eye twitched. "Is he really that bad? That Gintoki-san would feel the need to give me backup, that is."

"He's more than bad. He's, well, you'll see. Because we're here." He said as he pointed to the building in front of them.

It was a massive Japanese-styled mansion that had a 'Join the Joi Rebellion Today!' sign placed directly in the front yard.

"It kind of reminds me of Chireiden." Satori said while taking a look at it. "But why would he advertise his business if it's illegal? Is he really that much of an idiot?"

"I'm not an idiot, I'm Katsura!" A third voice shouted as a man with long black hair in a blue and gray hakama entered the fray. He landed in front of Satori like he was some kind of superhero, startling the hell out of her in the process. "Shinpachi-kun! Did Gintoki give you the letter I requested?!"

Satori, in the meantime, had fallen onto her butt, her eyes nearly have turned into spirals from the man's sudden appearance. That time she had been consciously listening for thoughts, so why didn't she hear him coming-

Wait. She didn't hear anything from him at all. It was completely static. "Could it be that you're like Koishi-"

"No, he's just an idiot." Shinpachi interrupted her. "Katsura-san is a straightforward kind of guy. He does what he means and means what he does."

Katsura in the meantime was staring intently at Satori now that she had gotten his attention. "Hm. So you're the stranger from another world that Gintoki told me about the other day. So he too has finally gotten an Elizabeth-"

"Wrong!" Shinpachi yelled as slapped Katsura across the face with a paper fan. "How the hell could you confuse her with Elizabeth?!"

He gasped out loud, showing genuine surprise. "So he didn't get an Elizabeth? Curses! How could I be so naive?!"

"Naive my ass! You're doing this on purpose! Satori-chan, just give him the letter already so we can leave."

Satori managed to shake herself out of her confused stupor just long enough to hand the letter to the other. "T-Thank you for your time!" She said before giving him a bow.

"Impossible!" Katsura shouted at the top of his lungs. "Someone with proper manners being associated with that criminal Gintoki?! Blink twice if you need help-"

"You're the last person to be calling someone else a criminal!" Shinpachi retorted before gently grabbing Satori by the hand. "Let's go before this gets any stupider."

"My head hurts . . . " Satori whined as she sat down on a bench, holding her head. "The static in that guy's head was louder than any thoughts and he was just as loud on the outside. That whole meeting is just a haze to me now."

"I apologize, Satori-chan." Shinpachi said as he sat down next to her and gave her an ice pack for her head. "I should have handled that alone."

"No, no. It was my job. I'm glad I saw it through." She muttered as she placed the ice pack on her head, the cooling sensation of it making her feel slightly better. "Still, I wasn't expecting him to be like that. Even my pet Okuu had thoughts and she was as stupid as they came."

"It's probably less to do with him being an idiot and more with him being a samurai." Shinpachi said as he looked up at the sky. "If a Samurai doesn't want his mind to be read, it won't be. We're not so weak that we'd let ourselves be defeated so easily."

Satori looked at him in surprise. "Are you saying . . . that you and Gintoki-san willingly let your minds be read?"

Shinpachi chuckled. "Well. Maybe not me, I'm not as good as them yet. But Gin-san? Definitely. He could have easily blocked you out after discovering what you could do, but he chose not to. Why? I don't know. Maybe he felt that blocking you out would have hurt you more than letting you in."

She glanced down at the ground. Samurai. She had heard tales of them. Brave warriors of the bushido who had the strength and willpower to combat youkai in the wars of old. She couldn't fathom humans besides Reimu, Sakuya and Marisa being so powerful. But she was seeing that now. And to be frank, it scared her. Ironic, right? The girl who scared humans, being scared herself. But samurai, she felt, were worth being afraid of. But they were also worth admiring. It's no wonder some of them went onto become youkai and gods themselves.

A warm smile crossed Satori's face. "Samurai are cool."

"That they are."


	4. Goddammit, Yukari!

**A/N:** Special thanks to Derago for motivating me to take this series off of hiatus. His interest in this story honestly made pumped as hell to continue it.

* * *

"I screwed up and sent Satori to another world by mistake. Fix it." Yukari said flatly.

"Oi. Shouldn't you be the one to fix that?" Reimu asked her forever annoying benefactor as she sat under her kotetsu, having just taken a bite out of a manju bun. "I already resolved the incident with Utsuho and now you want me to go gallivanting in some other world and bring her back?"

Yukari shook her head. "Oh no. I don't intend to bring her back. Not yet at least. She still has a lot of growing to do. But I fear she might get lonely being the only one of her kind there. So I want you to choose someone to join her!"

Yukari's smile was as delightfully devious as ever as it was made all too clear that this was some convoluted scheme she had concocted in regards to Satori growing as a person. Of course her sending Satori away wasn't a mistake. She never did anything by accident. There was always a reason.

And Reimu could clearly see now that no matter what she said in opposition, Yukari wouldn't be having it.

"Ugh, fine." The shrine maiden mumbled as she racked her brain trying to come up with a possible candidate. She and Marisa were out, as they were needed to resolve incidents. Sakuya and Youmu were beholden to their masters, so it was a no-go for them as well. Was there anyone with no friends and no life who could spare a few years?

And that's when it hit her like the cajun spice that she had foolishly put into the manju bun she ate before this one.

She fist pumped, congratulating herself on this monumental feat of deduction as she turned to Yukari.

"I know just the NEET you need."

* * *

Alice couldn't believe her eyes. One moment she was working on her dolls in the privacy of her house and then the next Yukari shows up out of nowhere, grabs her and tosses her in a gap. And where did that gap lead? Some feudal Japanese building with a bunch of men in the same uniform. One of whom had immediately told her to commit seppuku for breaking the dress code.

He was a tall man with jet black hair and fierce purple eyes. A cigarette hung out of his mouth as he pointed a katana at her. If looks could kill, she'd certainly be dead. She'd never seen a human with such a fearsome gaze before. Well, unless you counted Reimu, but it was common knowledge that Reimu was classified as a force of nature rather than a human.

"Easy there, Hijikata-san." A younger man with short brown hair and blood red eyes said as he walked up with his hands in his pockets. "Didn't you see? She just appeared out of thin air. Telling an invader like her to commit seppuku would be a waste of time. She likely doesn't even understand our language."

He pulled out a massive bazooka out of seemingly nowhere and pointed it at her.

"It's best if we hit her with everything we got so that she doesn't have any semblance of form left."

Alice shivered. She wasn't one to be perturbed, especially considering where she lived. But this place was certainly not normal. These two had such immense bloodlust. If she wasn't careful, she could die-

And then the man with the giant weapon pointed it directly at the one he had addressed as Hijikata and fired.

"What the hell was that for?!" Hijikata shouted as he emerged from the smoke, clothing singed from the impact of the exploding projectile. "Do you want to commit seppuku too, Sougo?!"

"Tch. He lived." Sougo muttered as he glanced away.

"'Tch. He lived.' My ass! I'll have your head, you entitled little punk!"

* * *

In the meantime, Alice had hauled ass. She didn't want anything to do with these crazy weirdos. Especially because she had been sent here without her puppets. And going anywhere without them made her feel really insecure. They were like a part of her after all. She could just about hear them realize she was gone, but by that point she had rounded a corner. She ran and ran, trying to make sense of everything that was going on. Why had Yukari done that to her? Was this some kind of punishment? Would she be forced to live out the rest of her days in this bizarre hell?!

She was so overwhelmed with emotions that she didn't pay attention to where she was going and ended up slamming straight into another person. She landed on her back with a loud thud.

But the voice that followed was perhaps the most soothing thing she had heard all day.

"A-Alice? Is that you?"

Blue eyes glanced upward and were met by purple ones. Yes. Standing there, right in front of her, was none other than Satori Komeiji. "S-Satori?" She muttered, her voice shaky. "A-Are you really Satori?"

"I am." Satori said softly as she reached down and helped the other up. She noticed that Alice was shaking considerably. It was no surprise. The girl was something of a recluse and while she could handle human interaction, she noticed that she didn't do well with big gatherings. Much like Satori herself, in a way. Without another word, she embraced the puppeteer in a hug. "It's okay. You're safe now. No one's going to hurt you."

Alice's thoughts gave Satori all the information she needed to know. "Come on. I'll take you to where I'm staying. My boss is a kind man. He'll look after you."

Alice nodded as she grasped Satori's hand and allowed the other to lead the way. She was calming down now and hopefully this boss of Satori's would be willing to give her a place to stay.

"Yeah that makes sense." Gintoki said as he leaned back in his chair. "Those shitty cops give even me the heebie jeebies. They're a waste of tax money if you ask me."

Alice was currently sitting on the couch next to Satori, a blanket wrapped around her as she drank a warm cup of tea. Tea always helped her calm down and she was glad that this Shinpachi fellow was willing to make her some.

"If you want another cup, don't hesitate to ask." Shinpachi said with a small smile.

Alice nodded, returning his smile before turning to the one she had come to know as Gintoki. "So, you're really okay with me staying here?"

"Sure. You said you could contribute by opening up a puppet shop right? As long as you use those profits to help the Yorozuya, I'll give you room and board, free of charge. Everyone has to pitch in for the food and drink, though."

"I can work with that. I miss Shanghai and Hourai, but-" And that's when the two puppets suddenly fell on her lap. "Shanghai! Hourai!" She said as she placed her cup of tea down and hugged the two puppets. "Thank goodness! I thought I'd never see you again!"

Satori smiled at that. It seemed that even Yukari couldn't withstand the sight of Alice being so sad. Seems she had misjudged the youkai.

* * *

"Sending her there without her dolls, what kind of heartless monster are you, ze?" Marisa said as she chided Yukari. "Using her as part of an experiment is one thing, but at least give her the means to defend herself."

"She could defend herself just fine." Yukari muttered.

"Yukari-sama." Ran said from behind her. "I do believe this is one case where I must side with the magician. Imagine if I send you out without your pillow."

Yukari gasped in horror. "You wouldn't!"

Ran nodded. "I just might at this rate."

Yukari quickly grabbed the two dolls and chucked them into a gap. "There? Happy?"

Marisa grinned. "Was that so hard?"

Yukari grimaced. "You're lucky your role is important, ordinary magician. Otherwise I'd subject you to a fate so horrible that you would be preying for death!"

"Being your Shikigami?"

Even Ran had to stifle a laugh at that one.

* * *

**\- Omake - **

"Shinpachi. There's one pressing matter we have to address."

"What's that, Gin-san?"

"Barely any Gintama characters were in this chapter! We've waited five months for this because the author was being a lazy piece of shit and he spends most of it focusing on a bunch of Touhou characters! I thought this was called Yorozuya Satori-chan? Shouldn't it be focusing on her and us?!"

"Gin-san."

"What?"

"Satori-chan and Alice-chan are staring at us like we've gone crazy."

"That doesn't matter! I want my screen time! This is the world of Gintama and I'm the main character dammit! I don't need any gap hag stealing my precious thing!"

A gap opened above his head and anvil appeared out of it, crashing on top of Gintoki.

"GIN-SAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!"

Yukari appeared out of a gap and turned toward the reader, giving them a wink.

"See you all next time~."

Satori and Alice stared at the chaos unfolding in front of them with a blank expression.

"Who the heck are you guys talking to?" They both said in unison.


	5. Writer's block can be a pain

"Gintoki-san! There's some trouble at Alice's puppet shop!" Satori exclaimed as she ran into the room, sweat rolling down her face from how fast she had been running.

"Huh? What kind of trouble?" Gintoki replied as he glanced up from the manga that he was reading.

"There's this really regal looking man and he's accompanied by this really strange and somewhat perverted old dude!"

"Huh. Sounds shady." He said as he got up and walked downstairs, the shop for Alice having been set up in the alleyway next to Otose's snack shop. And when he saw exactly who was standing in line there, his jaw dropped.

"I-I-IT'S THE FRIGGIN' SHOGUN!"

He was about to run away when a gunshot rang out and a bullet mark was left by his feet, causing him to turn around slowly. "Y-Yes?"

"My friend Sho-chan would like a top of the line puppet. But he only likes them in an extra large size. None of this pussy kiddie shit. It has to have a mohawk too. And it has to be made entirely out of metal." The man said as he exhaled a stream of smoke. "You have the count of three to procure this for me. One."

He fired again and the bullet went right past Gintoki's head.

"What happened to two and three?!"

"A real man only needs the number one in his life."

"W-Whatever! I'll get it for him! Just stop firing that thing! You're going to kill someone!"

"Tch. Fine. I'm going to go hit up a cabaret club. I'll be back for Sho-chan in a few hours. Later." He said as he climbed into a car and left the scene.

"He just wanted to dump the Shogun on us." Gintoki said as he turned to Satori, who must have been pretty shaken up by the whole ordeal. "Sorry you had to- Huh?"

Satori was sprawled out on the ground, foaming at the mouth. "O-Old man's thoughts . . . dirty . . . perverted . . ." She went limp.

"OI! SATORI!" Gintoki yelled as he shook her. "Stay with me! You're the main character of this fanfic! You can't die this easily!"

"Um. Can I get that puppet soon?" The shogun asked from behind Gintoki.

_What kind of friggin' situation is this?! _Gintoki thought to himself. _First the Shogun gets dumped on me and now Satori is dead! Nothing good ever comes from interacting with the goddamn government! _

"S-Sakata-san." Alice said from behind the counter of her shop. "I-Is Satori okay?"

Gintoki quickly rushed over and shoved Satori into Alice's hands. "Take care of her, Alice! I need to salvage this somehow! And whatever you do, don't show yourself! You might end up dying too!"

"D-Dying?!"

"Don't worry about it. Ol' Gin-chan has this under control!"

He turned his gaze to the Shogun, trying to figure out the best course of action. Where could he get the kind of monstrosity the Shogun wanted? Maybe Gengai? Yeah. That would work. That shitty old man couldn't refuse an order from the Shogun. No wait, he was a goddamn terrorist! There was no way this would work!

"Gintoki-"

The silver haired man turned around and found the last person he wanted to see. He quickly punched the man in the gut and threw him behind the counter where Alice was. "Take care of that idiot terrorist for me too." He said before turning his attention back to the Shogun.

"Excuse me. But was that Katsura-san-"

"Just a poser, honestly! That guy wouldn't be stupid enough to reveal himself so easily!"

"I see. Strange. He seemed so much like him." Shigeshige said as he stroked his chin. "Now then. My order?"

"Right, right. Your order." _Seriously, where the hell am I going to find something so specific in such a short amount of time. Not to mention he wants a friggin' robot! This is a puppet shop, goddammit! It's not like it's going to magically appear right next to me- _

"Greetings. I am the Mohawktron 5000."

_Yeah, yeah. Like that. _

"IT APPEARED?!" He exclaimed as he turned to face the newly arrived robot. "Where the hell did you come from?!"

"I am an express order delivered by Nitori Inc."

"What the hell is Nitori Inc?! Nevermind, it doesn't matter. Go and be with your new master."

"Understood." The machine said as it sprinted up to Shigeshige and uppercutted him into the air. "Target eliminated."

"SHOGUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!" Gintoki shouted before pointing his wooden sword at the robot. "What the hell are you doing?! I ordered a robot, not a friggin' terminator!"

"The target had a 5% chance of hating cucumbers, so it had to be annihilated."

"What kind of shitty perimeters are those?! Is your creator okay in the head?!"

"My mission is complete. Returning to base." And with that, it vanished.

"It's all over." Gintoki said as he slumped on the ground. "Satori and the Shogun are dead. And the government is going to have our head. Heh. It was a good run while it lasted. I guess . . . I'll face death with my head held high."

* * *

"And that's how Yorozuya Satori-Chan ended." Gintoki said as he closed the book he was reading. "It was a short lived story, but an amazing one nonetheless. Thank you all for taking the time to read this fanfic and I hope to see you all in the future."

"Gintoki-san." Satori said softly as she walked toward him. "I don't take kindly to you killing me off so easily."

Gintoki looked up, a look of wonder in his eyes. "Satori! You're alive-"

She kicked him in the face. "Of course I'm alive! I just went to the store for twenty minutes! And who were you even telling that story too?! I was standing here for half of it while you talked to absolutely no one!"

"You'll understand one day, Satori. But most importantly. I see that you're wearing pink today."

Satori blushed furiously before jumping backward and patting down her skirt. "In any case, why tell that story?"

"Oh that's simple. The writer didn't really know what to do for this chapter so he decided to just ramble on and on about a plot with the shogun and then was too lazy to resolve it, so eventually he came to the conclusion that the story in this chapter was something I made up."

Satori blinked a few times. "Gintoki-san, I think you're drinking too much lately. No more alcohol for you."

"L-Let's not be hasty! I mean! Shinpachi was here the whole time! He can vouch for me!"

"Oh? He was?" Satori turned to the side and saw a pair of glasses hanging on the wall. "Oh! You're right! I'm so sorry for not noticing you, Shinpachi-san!"

"Oi. Is this some kind of joke?" Shinpachi said from behind her. "Since when was I just a pair of glasses?!"

Gintoki and Satori both turned to look at him with immense indifference. "Since the very beginning, Glasses-frame-kun."

* * *

Shinpachi woke with a start. "Ah. It was just a nightmare. Wait. What kind of shitty way is this to end a chapter?! And how is that any different from my everyday life?! Huh?! Answer me!"

Shinpachi was so frightened by this nightmare that he died.

"The hell I did! You just don't want to admit that you couldn't think of a good way to resolve this chapter! So you're just making shit up as you go along!"

The silence was deafening as Shinpachi screamed into the void, his words going unanswered for all eternity.

"I'm getting seriously pissed off here. Stop avoiding my questions and answer me!"

* * *

Satori's eyes snapped open as she let out a groan. She was staring at the ceiling in the Yorozuya office, her head throbbing from what had just occurred. And honestly? She only had one thing to say in response.

"What kind of inception-level bullshit is this?"


End file.
